Aaron Stone Review (Part 3): First Strike

A Review by Joseph Anthony Montecillo

This is only the third episode and I'm already starting to go insane. This one's called First Strike.

This episode starts out in some kind of hanger or something. General Cross, a member of the Omega Defiance, is meeting up with some hobo. Apparently, hobo needs to give Cross something. So Cross pays hobo with a cliche money briefcase and hobo gives Cross the thingamajig. Yes, thingamajig is a real word.

Anyway, hobo asks what the thingimajig is for. Cross whispers it into his ear and then promptly has hobo killed. But being Disney, we never hear the word "kill" or "die" and we don't see an actual death. It's just heavily implied. However, this is pretty cool for a Disney show.

General Cross takes a look at the thingamajig and it turns out that it's a brain. Actually, it's a pretty convincing brain. Maybe this episode won't be so bad.

We cut to Charlie dancing wearing only a towel. Yeah. His brother, Jason, then takes a picture of it and puts it on his blog. This scene was...pointless. It does nothing for the plot, little for characterization, is just completely pointless.

Anyway, in the next scene, Charlie is dressed and Jason is playing Hero Rising. Then he has a short conversation with Emma at the window. They schedule a totally-not-date at some tea place at the mall after school. Oh yeah, these two will never get together.

Then we get a short bit where Jason gets killed in Hero Rising and Charlie says it because Jason didn't focus. Yeah, this is actually a nice way to seed the moral at the end, but yeah...I still think it's kinda stupid.

Stan comes in, and tells Charlie about his new mission. By the way, so far, I've noticed that Stan is the most entertaining character on the show. JP Manoux, the man who plays Stan, is actually not too bad an actor. But he seems to be stuck in Disney. He's been in Phil of the Future, Emperor's New School, and Minutemen.

If you stop working for Disney, I will respect you so much more.

Charlie's new mission is stop a robot designed by General Cross that apparently uses the brain from the first scene. Okay, this sounds like fun. The villain seems to be a bit more reasonable this time, creating a robot that can blow shit up and even killing the guy who provided him the brain to make the robot.

General Cross seems to be the best of the villains so far.

We have a brief scene of General Cross trying out the robot but then we switch back almost immediately to Charlie. Charlie's at school going all googly-eyed over the class hottie: Chase Ravenwood. They talk for a while and Charlie agrees to help Chase put up some posters after school. But uh-oh, scheduling conflict, that's the same time he's supposed to have his not-date with Emma. Yeah, well, more on that later.

But first, Charlie has to go to Korea where the robot has broken into some factory or whatever in North Korea. And when I say North Korea, I mean Los Angeles with some Asian characters written on the signs. But, hey, it could have been worse.

Anyway, we have an action scene where Aaron gets

There's even a short part in that action scene where Stan tries to bargain with the cyborg as the cyborg is choking Charlie. Yeah, Stan is my favorite character in this show for sure.

Anyway, the action scene was doing okay until the ending. The ending is just completely anti-climactic and just a terrible pay-off for the build up from the action scene. You know how it ends? The cyborg gets up and charges to attack as Stan and Charlie are talking. Stan and Charlie then get out of the way and the cyborg slams into some electricity thingy and short circuits.

So the robot is taken away to Hall Industries to be examined and Charlie goes to school to help Emma put up her posters. But, uh-oh, he missed his totally-not-date with Emma. Oops!

Charlie has to apologize to Emma at their window and sets up another totally-not-date where they go to a comedy movie with Charlie paying. Yeah...

I haven't seen this episode for a while, so sorry if the following plot details are a bit sketchy.

The next day, Charlie is playing Hero Rising. There's this part of the game where there's a Trojan Horse and he realizes that the cyborg that Hall Industries is actually a trap. Yeah, he got all that from the game.

No joke, I just thought this pic would be appropriate.

Let me get this straight. Hall Industries fell for the same trap that they programmed into their game that they based on real life. Okay... WHAT?

Do I even have to say how retarded that is? How stupid do you have to be to fall for a trap that you have designed into a game that was supposed to find the world's greatest superspy?

The company fell for the same trick that they programmed into the game that they based on real life villains. I have one thing to say to Hall Industries:

Goo' jab! (joke by Carlo Perez)

We get a scene of Mr. Hall approaching the robot and examining it on his own. Then, the cyborg reactivates and proceeds to try and kill Mr. Hall. But Charlie comes to the rescue and defeats the cyborg in a competent action scene.

But wait, oh-no, Charlie missed out on his totally-not-date with Emma to save Mr. Hall. So the show ends with him begging for forgiveness and scheduling a new totally-not-date to make up for all of it.

Overall, this episode wasn't bad. It was okay, I guess. But once again, a stupid plot point gets in the way of being even mildly entertained. Why? Just why? Can you please give me just one episode where the plot MAKES SENSE?

Oh my god, I can't believe I still have fourteen episodes left. Ugh.

Why I watch bad movies...

I just finished watching Amadeus, which is one of the best movies ever made in my opinion. It reminded me of why I watch terrible movies. By watching terrible movies, it makes the good ones seem so much better than usual.

By subjecting myself myself to tortures like Transformers 2, Wild Child, Spectacular, and Twilight, I ensure that when I decide to put in a movie like Amadeus, The Dark Knight, or The Shawshank Redemption, they will seem ten times better than they already are.

That's just my own demented view on bad movies, I guess.

TNA Knockouts

Women's wrestling has never been my favorite aspect of professional wrestling. Yes, there were some storylines that were interesting, and yes the ladies are nice to look at. But other than that, I never really got into it. The last time I was incredibly interested in a women's storyline was in 2006 with the feud between Trish Stratus and Mickie James.

The WWE does not utilize their Divas properly. I've been watching their matches recently and only one match I've seen can be called good. Melina vs. Michelle McCool at Night of Champions was incredibly impressive. But that was mainly because every other Divas match the WWE comes up with is absolute garbage.

To the WWE, the Divas division is all about eye candy. "LOOK AT THE PRETTY GIRLS! YEAH, LOOK AT EM! FORGET ABOUT WRESTLING SKILL AND STORYLINE, JUST LOOK AT EM!"

I turn over to TNA Impact, and what do I get? I get the Knockouts division. In the early years, TNA was known for the X Division, made up of wrestlers who specialized in high-flying stunts and action. They invested a lot in the X Division but then, the wonder began to wear off a bit. So now, they're starting to invest in a new division. The Knockouts.

TNA, like WWE, didn't really pay much attention to their women's division in the early years. In fact, for five out of the seven years TNA's been in business, they have never had their own women's title. The lack of a championship and the lack of female talent deprived TNA of a good women's division. However, in 2007, after having built up a good roster of women, TNA started the Knockouts division.

At Bound for Glory 2007, Gail Kim (who's now in WWE) became the first TNA Knockouts Champion. The Knockouts were different in that instead having a focus on eye candy, they focused on serious wrestling with good storylines. In fact, one of their best Knockouts is the exact opposite of a WWE Diva. Awesome Kong may not have the looks of a WWE Diva, but she certainly has the wrestling ability.

TNA seems to be really invested in the Knockouts division. Recently, they announced that they would soon have a TNA Knockouts Tag Team Title to go with the TNA Knockouts Title. I can't remember the last there was a women's tag team belt in a major wrestling company.

God bless the Knockouts. They are just so fucking awesome.

Just wanted you to know that.

THE END

Someone's planning for the future...

I know this isn't new, but I can't help it. It seems that Miley Cyrus is planning for her career after Disney...

Skip to 1:11 if you don't wanna see the whole video.



Part 3 of the Aaron Stone review is coming up soon.

Aaron Stone Review (Part 2): Hero Rising Part 2

A Review by Joseph Anthony Montecillo

Okay, here's the second part of my Aaron Stone review. This one will cover the episode: Hero Rising (Part 2).

Before we continue, let me fill you guys in on a bit of back story that I missed out in the first review. The main antagonists of the show are the Omega Defiance. The Omega Defiance is made up of seven super-geniuseses, who plan on--you guessed it--taking over the world.

OF COURSE!!! (Joke stolen from the Nostalgia Critic)

We ended the last episode with Charlie and Stan inside the SSJ. Charlie's a bit a pissed, because well, he just got sucked into a motherfucking Supersonic Jet against his will. Yeah, I would be a bit pissed off too. Stan tells him about his first mission, and Charlie listens because...well, he's a bit of a dumbass.

Charlie's first mission is to stop Dr. Necros, one of the Omega Defiance, from spreading a toxin that'll turn everyone into a mindless, drooling zombie. Necros plans on spreading the toxin with a rocket launcher. To steal this rocket launcher, he uses his right-hand man, Souljacker. Yeah, the guy from the first episode with the fancy sticks. Stan claims that Souljacker is the "most dangerous man alive." Yeah, later on I'm going to tell you why this statement is one hundred percent false.

So, they land in front of some warehouse where Souljacker is stealing the rocket launcher. Now, the logical thing to do would be to go in and try to stop the theft, right? Yeah, what they do is stand outside, discussing Aaron's new uniform and the gadgets he has. So, while Souljacker is stealing a rocket launcher, Charlie has time to change into his uniform and talk about the gadgets for a bit. Oh yeah, the fate of the world is in great hands!

Inside, Souljacker is villainoguing. What's villainoguing? It's when TV and movie villains decide that they just want to randomly declare what they're planning, how they plan on executing, all the while giving the heroes time to kick their asses.

Now, Aaron, being the dumbass that he is, starts heronoguing back. This is a problem with a lot of shows and movies. People TALK TOO MUCH. Just fight, for God's sake!

Fortunately, they do start fighting but only for about a second as Souljacker's men hold back Charlie. Instead of taking out their guns and KILLING Charlie, they just leave him there as they leave. The most dangerous man alive? Really?

You couldn't just kill the fucker? I mean, you work for evil geniuses, don't you have guns?

Yeah, so it turns out that I was wrong and the mom only gets a job in this episode. But Charlie's still pissed because he got pwned. His words, not mine.

Meanwhile, Souljacker is practicing his rad arnis skills in Dr. Necros's lab. After intimidating Souljacker a bit, Dr. Necros proceeds to villainogue about his plans for world domination using a conveniently placed monitor to help him with some visual aids. I wonder what program he used to make that animation.

Flash: Helping Villains Explain Their Plans For World Domination

So the next day at school, we have a short scene at school where Jason goes all googly-eyed over Emma and Tania Gunadi, the actress who plays Emma, shows off her rad acting skills! Then, Stan gets a job as a teacher at Charlie's school to help persuade Charlie to try and come back to save the world.

Well, Souljacker's about to release the toxin with the rocket launcher. However, Charlie's at home showing his rad video game skills to Emma. Then Emma goes all googly-eyed for a bit because she just met the best player in the world. They're so not ending up together.

Why can't we have just one Disney character who doesn't get the girl/guy in the end? Is that too much to ask for? Why must everyone have someone to live an eternity with? Why can't we just someone who's alone? But I digress.

Charlie's brother then comes in and makes an avatar for Hero Rising. Charlie helps him out in the game and in that time realizes that he needs to help save the world. Remember, while all this is happening, Souljacker is setting up to launch the toxin. Yeah, why is that launch taking so long?

So Charlie finally decides to help with saving the world. He has a fight scene with Souljacker which wasn't too bad for Disney. That's not saying much since Disney isn't exactly known for their awesome action sequences. Charlie wins the fight by applying skills he learned in the game. Yeah The most dangerous man alive beaten by things learned in a video game. Oh god.

Must...learn...vital...life skills!

Seriously, according to this show, video games can save the world! I mean, it's like if I started playing Super Mario Brothers and suddenly expected to stop global warming! Oh look, I beat Bowser, why isn't global warming over yet? Oh yeah, because the princess is in another fucking castle.

The episode ends with Stan renting out a room in Charlie's house so that he can keep an eye on him.

This episode was just...ugh. Then again, all the episodes are like that. Oh my god, I can't believe it's only been TWO episodes.

Two down, fifteen to go.

Aaron Stone Review (Part 1): Hero Rising Part 1

A Review by Joseph Anthony Montecillo

Oh my god, what have I gotten myself into? Well, this is part one of my seventeen-part Aaron Stone review. This review will cover the first episode: Hero Rising (Part 1). Let's get this over with.

The show starts out in Tokyo, Japan. We see an ad for a game called Hero Rising. The game's slogan reads: IT'S NOT JUST A GAME. Subtle, guys, real subtle. We are shown one of the villains of the game: Souljacker. Do I even have to make fun of that name? Anyway, a second after we're shown the game version of Souljacker, the real Souljacker steps into the shot.

He's running away from a secret agent or something because he wants to infect the city with some kind of toxin. The secret agent then has a short fight with Souljacker and loses, and presumably gets killed. Well, this show isn't so bad after all. I mean, it's just a minute into the first episode and already we have a deadly assassin and the murder of a secret agent. Okay, not bad.

Mr. Hall, the boss of the secret agent, orders a guy named Stan to get him Aaron Stone, who's apparently the final hope of the human race.

Lets examine this. We're only about two minutes into this show and the plot holes are so big that you could sail the Queen Mary through them. Firstly, there's this video game called Hero Rising that is apparently based on real life villains and technology. And yet, these villains who don't exactly blend in, are still willing to try and carry out their plans of world domination as well as sending hitmen with noticeable tattoos on their face carrying around sticks trying to infect Tokyo with a toxin. BRILLIANT!

Seriously, we're just three minutes into this thing and it already makes no sense. I mean, two men are having some kind of martial arts karate fight thing out in the public and no one even stops to look or even call the police.

Then, we're introduced to our hero, Charlie Landers, playing a basketball game. Yeah, he misses a shot just as the game ends. Ladies and gentlemen, the savior of humanity.

Oh my god, we are all screwed beyond belief.

We see Charlie start playing Hero Rising. He plays as an avatar named Aaron Stone, and is apparently the best player in the world. Hero Rising is apparently a MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) because Charlie plays with two nerds from India for some reason.

He looks through his window and realizes that there's a new girl who lives in the house across from his named Emma Lau. This is obviously not going to turn into a romantic angle.

I despise Disney's predictability.

The next day, after school Charlie is followed by Stan and they have a short chase scene that is completely irrelevant to the plot and just there to show off Charlie's rad parkour skills! Yeh mehn! This scene does absolutely nothing to further the plot. And I would have been fine with that had it been done awesomely. But this scene was FAR from awesome.

We get another scene of Charlie playing Hero Rising, this time online with a two guys from India. One of whom plays with a female avatar. Okay...

While taking out the trash, Charlie's approached by Stan. Stan explains that he needs Charlie to go to Austria. So he sucks up Charlie into a Supersonic Jet and takes him to Austria.

At Austria, Charlie and Stan meet up with Mr. Hall. It turns out that Stan is actually a robot and that he can do some pretty weird stuff with his head. Actually, the effects for the scenes where Stan takes off his head are pretty cool. They're some pretty good effects for a Disney production.

Anyway, Mr. Hall tells Charlie that he needs to save the world. How did Mr. Hall come to this decision? Well, it turns out that Mr. Hall designed Hero Rising and based it on the people who really are trying to take over the world and the technology they have. Then, he takes the best player in the world to try and turn them into his next superspy.

GENIUS!

Do I even have to make fun of this plan? I mean, what if the top scorer was a scrawny little cosplaying nerd? What then you dumbass? Huh? Are you seriously telling me the safety of the world relies on someone's high score? BULLSHIT. This is the most idiotic plan to save the world EVER.

Must...stop...the Iraq War!

So obviously, Charlie says no. Even though, the world's fate relied on him, I can't fucking blame him. I mean, come on, someone just told him that they wanted him to save the world just because he got a high score on a video game.

But his official reasons are that he needs to take care of his mom and family because his dad died for dramatic convenience. So he says no and Stan takes him back home.

The next day, Charlie's mom gets a job at Mr. Hall's company and Stan follows Charlie on his way to school. Charlie still refuses, but then Stan sucks him up into the SSJ (Supersonic Jet).

And that's the end of part 1 of Hero Rising.

Ugh, the first episode, THE FIRST EPISODE...

IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!!! I mean, Disney is investing a lot into this show. This is the first show in a while to have actual sets and filming locations instead of just being shot in a studio. Disney obviously feels that this show will be a huge success. And you know, it probably will be. Because kids eat this shit up.

No, don't be so mean, how dare you? It's made for kids, it doesn't have to be so good!

Being made for kids does not excuse stupidity! I mean, the kids who do watch may not analyze the plot to deeply, but this is just an insult. I mean, there are other spy shows on Disney that make much more sense.

Even this one.

Yes, even Totally Spies makes more sense than Aaron Stone. How? Well, in Totally Spies, they choose their spies based on skill and whatever. But in Aaron Stone, they rely on pure blind luck and hope that the top scorer of some game can save the world.

God help us, this is only the first episode and it already makes no sense.

One down, sixteen to go.

More Reviews Soon

More reviews will come soon. I just need to finish up with exams and find more horrible movies to review. Until then, you can see other reviews by The Demented One here.

Return to Never Land

Disney has this really bad habit of making terrible sequels to their movies. Some examples are Mulan 2, the Little Mermaid prequels and sequels, and countless other terrible sequels that simply want to cash in on the success of the original films. While I will review those other movies someday, today's focus is on the sequel to the 1953 animated film Peter Pan. Now, remember, the original film came out in 1953. This movie came out in 2002. Yeah, it took someone forty-nine years to think "Oh, let's try and make some money off of Peter Pan."

Anyway, Disney had the good sense to only release this film on DVD. However, the same can't be said in this country because I remember having watched this movie in cinemas. But then, when I watched it in cinemas, I was six. I've had seven years to figure what makes a good movie, and I have.

The movie starts out with a narrator giving us some quick back story. Wendy, from the first movie, has grown up, gotten married, and had kids. You know, everything Peter didn't want her to do. Also, she apparently started to take fashion tips from Belle because they're wearing almost the exact same outfits. Sorry, I can't find the right pictures for juxtaposition.

Anyway, Wendy now has two children, Jane and Danny. Both of them grew up listening to Wendy's Peter Pan stories and spend the first part of their lives in a happy, carefree family. But then, Wendy's husband is called off to be part of the war. Which war? I can't be sure. It seems like World War II, but there's a lack of visible Nazi imagery so it might be World War I. History buffs, help me out on this one.

A few years pass, and the war is still going on. We see Jane walking through a destroyed landscape after getting a package for her brother or something. She's being followed by her faithful dog, Nana 2. Yeah. That's her name. Nana 2. Or Nana II, whatever. What kind of lazy writing is that?

"Hey they have a dog, what should we call it?"
"Uh, I dunno. Didn't they have a dog named Nana in the first movie?"
"Yeah, but that dog's probably dead."
"I know! Let's call this dog Nana 2!"

It's just stupid! I mean, the dog even looks exactly like the dog in the first film! I know it's a small thing to be mad about, but it's just so lazy and pathetic. I hate it! I mean, how hard is it to come up with a new name? I mean, you could even use some cliched name like Spot even if the dog doesn't have spots! Just something remotely different, please!

She gets mad at her mother because she blames Wendy for Danny's continued belief in Peter Pan. Wendy explains that Danny "needs these stories." Now, while I understand that you need something like fairy tales in a time of war, but don't tell your kid that it's real. I mean, tell them the stories, but don't tell them that they're true even if they are true. Be reasonable. I have to side with Jane on this one.

So Danny walks in and Jane shouts at him, telling him that Peter Pan isn't real blah blah blah. Danny gets mad, Wendy gets mad, Jane's mad and then Jane just slams the door on them and sleeps by her window. But then, Captain Hook's ship comes down and kidnaps her because he thinks it's Wendy.

Yeah.

It took him this long to think to kidnap Wendy. WHY? I mean, does time move differently in Never Land? Is one year in Never Land, thirty years on Earth? Is it like Narnia? It makes no fucking sense! Or maybe Captain Hook is just stupid. Or maybe it's the writer. My answer: ALL OF THE ABOVE.

He takes Jane, who he thinks is Wendy, to Never Land as bait for Peter. Peter comes, and Hook threatens to kill "Wendy" should Peter attack. But, it all turns out okay as Jane is saved and a giant octopus now wants to eat Hook, because this movie needs to steal from the formula of the first one.

Peter finds out that Jane is the one Hook kidnapped and takes her to meet the Lost Boys. She is disgusted by their immaturity, and leaves to try and go home. But obviously, that fails because the only way to leave is to fly away. And what do you need to fly? Faith, trust, and pixie dust. The three things Jane doesn't believe in.

So she gets angry and shouts out that she doesn't believe in fairies. This, of course, weakens Tinker Bell, because the key to a fairy's life is the belief of others. Well, if they want us to believe in them, why don't they just show themselves so that we can believe in them?

She runs off and finds Captain Hook crying in the woods. It's obvious he's faking it and Jane somehow falls for it long enough for Hook to convince her to help him look for the treasure that Peter Pan took from him. Jane agrees but only under the condition that Hook not harm Peter Pan. Hook tells her that he "won't harm a single hair on his head." Even with that statement, isn't Jane a little stupid to trust Hook? I mean, she's heard stories about him all her life and she still trusts him?

Hook gives her a whistle that she needs to blow when she finds the treasure.

She returns to the Lost Boys and tries to convince them to try help her find the treasure. And in the span of one song number, she becomes friends with the Lost Boys and doesn't want to lose their trust. So when they do find the treasure, she doesn't blow the whistle and instead finishes her big song number where one of the Lost Boys blows the whistle.

So Hook comes and does something to go back on his promise. Actually, it's pretty clever what he did. He picked a single hair from Pan's head and said that he wouldn't harm that hair. That's actually pretty cool.

Hook kidnaps the Lost Boys and ties them up on his ship.

Meanwhile, Jane finds Tinker Bell dying from her non-belief. So she has to do the whole "I believe in fairies thing." So Tinker Bell is alive and they go off to save Peter and the rest of the boys.

Do I really need to tell you what happens next?

Captain Hook wins and all the good guys get killed.

Of course not, everyone lives happily ever after and then we even get a short scene with Wendy at the end. And so everything's fine and everyone's happy. A typical Disney ending.

This movie is just bad. It's a bad attempt to cash in on an old Disney film. The acting is just band, the animation is less than impressive. Overall, it was just bad. I can't find much good to say about this movie. I just don't like it and it's sad to see what Disney is churning out just to make a quick buck.

Disney's really lost some of their magic ever since Pixar started making their movies. But, there's a new animated film coming soon from Disney. Hopefully, this will be the return of Disney's magic. Hopefully.

Coming to Blogger

Hmm, interesting. I have a new blog.

I shall fill it up with movie reviews, text recaps, and random thought from The Demented One. This shall be interesting.