Return to Never Land

Disney has this really bad habit of making terrible sequels to their movies. Some examples are Mulan 2, the Little Mermaid prequels and sequels, and countless other terrible sequels that simply want to cash in on the success of the original films. While I will review those other movies someday, today's focus is on the sequel to the 1953 animated film Peter Pan. Now, remember, the original film came out in 1953. This movie came out in 2002. Yeah, it took someone forty-nine years to think "Oh, let's try and make some money off of Peter Pan."

Anyway, Disney had the good sense to only release this film on DVD. However, the same can't be said in this country because I remember having watched this movie in cinemas. But then, when I watched it in cinemas, I was six. I've had seven years to figure what makes a good movie, and I have.

The movie starts out with a narrator giving us some quick back story. Wendy, from the first movie, has grown up, gotten married, and had kids. You know, everything Peter didn't want her to do. Also, she apparently started to take fashion tips from Belle because they're wearing almost the exact same outfits. Sorry, I can't find the right pictures for juxtaposition.

Anyway, Wendy now has two children, Jane and Danny. Both of them grew up listening to Wendy's Peter Pan stories and spend the first part of their lives in a happy, carefree family. But then, Wendy's husband is called off to be part of the war. Which war? I can't be sure. It seems like World War II, but there's a lack of visible Nazi imagery so it might be World War I. History buffs, help me out on this one.

A few years pass, and the war is still going on. We see Jane walking through a destroyed landscape after getting a package for her brother or something. She's being followed by her faithful dog, Nana 2. Yeah. That's her name. Nana 2. Or Nana II, whatever. What kind of lazy writing is that?

"Hey they have a dog, what should we call it?"
"Uh, I dunno. Didn't they have a dog named Nana in the first movie?"
"Yeah, but that dog's probably dead."
"I know! Let's call this dog Nana 2!"

It's just stupid! I mean, the dog even looks exactly like the dog in the first film! I know it's a small thing to be mad about, but it's just so lazy and pathetic. I hate it! I mean, how hard is it to come up with a new name? I mean, you could even use some cliched name like Spot even if the dog doesn't have spots! Just something remotely different, please!

She gets mad at her mother because she blames Wendy for Danny's continued belief in Peter Pan. Wendy explains that Danny "needs these stories." Now, while I understand that you need something like fairy tales in a time of war, but don't tell your kid that it's real. I mean, tell them the stories, but don't tell them that they're true even if they are true. Be reasonable. I have to side with Jane on this one.

So Danny walks in and Jane shouts at him, telling him that Peter Pan isn't real blah blah blah. Danny gets mad, Wendy gets mad, Jane's mad and then Jane just slams the door on them and sleeps by her window. But then, Captain Hook's ship comes down and kidnaps her because he thinks it's Wendy.

Yeah.

It took him this long to think to kidnap Wendy. WHY? I mean, does time move differently in Never Land? Is one year in Never Land, thirty years on Earth? Is it like Narnia? It makes no fucking sense! Or maybe Captain Hook is just stupid. Or maybe it's the writer. My answer: ALL OF THE ABOVE.

He takes Jane, who he thinks is Wendy, to Never Land as bait for Peter. Peter comes, and Hook threatens to kill "Wendy" should Peter attack. But, it all turns out okay as Jane is saved and a giant octopus now wants to eat Hook, because this movie needs to steal from the formula of the first one.

Peter finds out that Jane is the one Hook kidnapped and takes her to meet the Lost Boys. She is disgusted by their immaturity, and leaves to try and go home. But obviously, that fails because the only way to leave is to fly away. And what do you need to fly? Faith, trust, and pixie dust. The three things Jane doesn't believe in.

So she gets angry and shouts out that she doesn't believe in fairies. This, of course, weakens Tinker Bell, because the key to a fairy's life is the belief of others. Well, if they want us to believe in them, why don't they just show themselves so that we can believe in them?

She runs off and finds Captain Hook crying in the woods. It's obvious he's faking it and Jane somehow falls for it long enough for Hook to convince her to help him look for the treasure that Peter Pan took from him. Jane agrees but only under the condition that Hook not harm Peter Pan. Hook tells her that he "won't harm a single hair on his head." Even with that statement, isn't Jane a little stupid to trust Hook? I mean, she's heard stories about him all her life and she still trusts him?

Hook gives her a whistle that she needs to blow when she finds the treasure.

She returns to the Lost Boys and tries to convince them to try help her find the treasure. And in the span of one song number, she becomes friends with the Lost Boys and doesn't want to lose their trust. So when they do find the treasure, she doesn't blow the whistle and instead finishes her big song number where one of the Lost Boys blows the whistle.

So Hook comes and does something to go back on his promise. Actually, it's pretty clever what he did. He picked a single hair from Pan's head and said that he wouldn't harm that hair. That's actually pretty cool.

Hook kidnaps the Lost Boys and ties them up on his ship.

Meanwhile, Jane finds Tinker Bell dying from her non-belief. So she has to do the whole "I believe in fairies thing." So Tinker Bell is alive and they go off to save Peter and the rest of the boys.

Do I really need to tell you what happens next?

Captain Hook wins and all the good guys get killed.

Of course not, everyone lives happily ever after and then we even get a short scene with Wendy at the end. And so everything's fine and everyone's happy. A typical Disney ending.

This movie is just bad. It's a bad attempt to cash in on an old Disney film. The acting is just band, the animation is less than impressive. Overall, it was just bad. I can't find much good to say about this movie. I just don't like it and it's sad to see what Disney is churning out just to make a quick buck.

Disney's really lost some of their magic ever since Pixar started making their movies. But, there's a new animated film coming soon from Disney. Hopefully, this will be the return of Disney's magic. Hopefully.